Big Mouth and a Wagging Tongue

One of my fondest recurring childhood memories is of my father, who would put in long hours working in the yard and return to the house just before supper time, covered in sweat and grass clippings. He would head for the shower, leaving the door ajar so that the steam could escape, and in his striking alto voice, he would belt out 'The Wind Beneath My Wings'. No matter where I was in the house (or even in the backyard), I could always hear him, flying higher than an eagle, so high he almost touched the sky. And I would wonder, of all of the songs in the world, why my father had to be so enamored with that cheese-infested song.

Perhaps it is from him that I have learned to be so free with words. I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. Which, of course, is bound to lead to occasional problems, but I have actually found it to be a rather useful trait in the world of academia. Here are the top five reasons why this solo singer likes her big mouth (no microphone required):

1. Giving presentations
• Comfort with public speaking: necessary; eagerness to have everyone enraptured by what you say: a plus; robust voice with a soothing rhythm: a full-featured bonus.
  
2. Getting to know your boss
• If you have interesting things to say (and are willing to go out on a limb to say them), your new boss will be intrigued by you and will be more inclined to have conversations with you in the future. Alternatively, s/he will think you are a total weirdo.
  
3. Self-promotion
• In this profession (and probably in many others), you have to be willing to say good things about yourself. You have to be willing to compare yourself positively to others without sounding like an arrogant jackass. Of course, this is tricky, but I have found that it is better to sound self-important than under-confident.
  
4. Fending off crazy labmates
   
   • If one of your colleagues flips out because he thinks you are using an incorrect concentration of dishwashing solution, you can just blab all of that crazy right back at him. Your colleague will become frightened by your unexpected gusto and will run away.
     
5. Smalltalk, chit-chat, and bullshitting
   
• A necessary evil in any sort of uncomfortable social or work-related circumstance- conferences, in particular. A drink (or two or five*) really helps to lubricate my words at these functions.
  
• I once met a Very Famous Professor (VFP) while inebriated at a conference networking event. VFP is the author of a well-respected textbook, and when I saw his nametag (while in line at the bar), I gushed on and on to him about my love for his book**. VFP was completely gregarious and offered me a postdoc position in his lab to study snake venom (or some equally unrelated topic). The next morning, a mutual acquaintance brought me up in a conversation with him, and he said he had never heard of me. I guess he was drunk, too.
  
• Moral of the story? Feel free to get hammered and compliment the hell out of people, but expect them to forget you the next morning.
  

*Not recommended.
**What is wrong with me?