I Hate Capitalism

Today, I went to the grocery store in search of some tasty ice cream. I was excited to find one of my favorite slow-churned, low-fat Rocky Road varieties, so I grabbed the carton and made for the check-out. On my way to the check-out, I realized, with enormous shock, that the formerly 1/2-gallon container had been reduced to a measly 1.5 quarts. What what what??!?!?!?!

My anger, people, was palpable. IS palpable.

I am an engineer, not an economist, and not an idiot, either. Therefore:

1. Who do these businesses think they are kidding? They choose to reduce unit sizing instead of increasing prices. Do they think I'm such a retard that I won't notice a 25% reduction in the amount of ice cream I'm getting? Yes, as a consumer, I feel moderately insulted.
2. From an economic standpoint, have the increases in shipping prices really warranted a 33% increase in the price of the ice cream? I highly doubt it (although I have zero proof). I think these companies are pocketing the extra money. I blame capitalism. All of this pressure, not to just have profit, but to have 10% increases in profits... GRRR.

I wonder what Communists are paying for their ice cream these days.

Parlez-Vous Scientist?

In honor of the American holiday of Memorial Day, my husband and I hopped on a flight to a foreign land. Everyone spoke a different language in said place, and, although I had tried to learn a bit of the language in advance of the trip, I still felt like a complete idiot. I had no idea what anyone was saying to me, and I completely lost it one day at lunch when I was extremely hungry = extremely irritable and I couldn’t understand any of the food signs. The natives made fun of me, pointing fingers and shouting, “American!” My husband was mortified, but this is beside the point.

This multi-day trial has gotten me thinking about all of the non-Americans that move themselves and their entire lives to this country in the name of Science. The non-native English speakers can have a really hard time communicating when they get here, in addition to all of the crap associated with joining a new group and learning new research material. I can’t imagine being thrown into my current situation without a good grasp of the language. I would have left.

But our foreign scientist friends persevere in the face of dramatic cultural and lingual differences, and this is quite impressive. What amazes me is that these people are some of the best and brightest in our field, given the fierce competition for foreigners to find positions in America… yet one of my former colleagues often told me that he felt utterly stupid and thought others found him stupid because of his English difficulties. Of course he was not stupid, and once he produced seriously impressive results, it was clear that good science is a universal language.

Meeting Mandatory (Thinking Optional)

This is a classic example of my life at Brilliant University. Yesterday evening, my research supervisor called an impromptu (2 hour) meeting for this morning with me and several of my colleagues who are all working on related projects. Today, at the start of said meeting, my supervisor says: “So, I scheduled this meeting without thinking about what we would talk about.” So there we were. Eight of us. For two hours.

Where is my slingshot when I need it?

What do Postdocs & Moms have in Common?

I got the idea to sign up for NamCoLeavMo over at A Lady Scientist. I thought- great- a chance to read some new people's material and maybe a chance for a little publicity to my tiny blog. I didn't spend much time 'researching' the commenting festivities or contemplating whether I should join in the fun- so I was a tad surprised yesterday when I discovered that almost all of the participating blogs are about motherhood, pregnancy, fertility, adoption and the like!

It is very clear that there is a significant discrepancy in the content of this work-oriented blog and the womb-oriented blogs of the many other participants.

In an effort to welcome my new maternal-minded friends, I thought I would highlight the similarities between Moms and Post-docs. First, let me define 'post-doc': A post-doctoral position is one that is taken following the attainment of a Ph.D. This position typically takes place under the tutelage of a university professor and can last anywhere from 1-5 years (with 2-3 being the average). Such a position gives the postdoc an opportunity to learn new research material and new experimental techniques.

So here are the top 5 similarities between a post-doc like myself and my new motherly readers:

1. Appreciation of naps
• You guys are exhausted from your responsibilities: thinking about babies, growing babies, and chasing after babies. I am exhausted from long meetings and excessive pipetting (use of a hand-held liquid-handing device that can make your thumb feel like it's going to fall off). We both think a mid-afternoon nap would be delightful.
  
2. Estrogen and progesterone
• The IF community is chalk-full of the reproductive female hormones. I happen to work with these very hormones in the lab- they are small 'model' drugs that are straightforward for use in experiments.
  
3. Taking care of babies
• The only difference here is age.
  
4. Work-life balance
• If you have a family, or if you want a family, you probably don't want to work >60 hours a week. Neither do I!
  
5. Dealing with shit
• Yours is literal, mine is all figurative.
  

Looking forward to reading your blogs and receiving your diverse feedback on my uber-nerdy life.

The Motivational Rollercoaster

I am on it, and I don't even know if I've paid the full fare.

The interesting thing about being a postdoc is that it's at least your second time experiencing everything. My first ride on the motivational rollercoaster was one filled with a lot of anxiety, lack of confidence, and self-doubt. When my lust for labwork lagged significantly during the late-2nd-year to mid-3rd-year, I had to ask myself if I was really cut out for grad school and for a career in science. Perhaps I didn't have what it would take?

Within the last couple of weeks, I have started doing 'real' experiments- the ones in which, in addition to understanding the methodology, I also have some unique idea that I am trying to get to pan out. And what do we have, ladies and gentleman?

Failure, with a capital F.

I could slap a capital F on another key word as well.

But I won't.

Anyway, here I am at Brilliant University, where everyone is so damn brilliant, and due to my stunning lack of success (is this really so surprising?), I am experiencing motivational issues. Today, I managed to get my hair cut and go to the farmer's market and stuff my face with pastry in addition to doing a whopping 1.75 hours of labwork. At least I have motivation to do something.

I have always found an incredible paradox in the relationship between my success rate and my motivational level. When things are going bad, I don't feel like doing much work and so I usually don't. When things are going well, I work long hours and turn into a results-oriented glutton that can't get enough of a good thing. Perhaps, in the long run, I'd be a lot more productive if I reversed my natural inclinations. It is precisely these times of failure when I should put on my prettiest persistence cap and charge straight ahead (or slightly to the right, depending on my mood). Bah.

The nice thing is, this time around, I know that these feelings are completely normal. I know what to expect. I have confidence that "this, too, shall pass" and that good times are probably just around the corner.

Industrial Grants for Academics

In today’s dismal funding climate, more and more university academics are turning to industry to support their research endeavors. In principle, this adjustment of funding source can be perceived as a very good thing in that it allows academics to continue their involvement in the scientific process without running dry.

On the other hand, obtaining grant money from industry (in one way or another) is going to eventually boil down to padding the company’s bottom line. Companies are, after all, businesses, and not philanthropic organizations with a penchant for throwing away their money.

Although I have had only moderate opportunity to witness the ways in which industrial grants pan out in academia, I have seen the following variations:

1. Medium Interference from Industry
   
   
• Because the company is very interested in the development of technology that will benefit its existence, the academic researchers are somewhat obliged to meet such needs. This often requires research that is not particularly academic, but more along the lines of optimization. Typically, the researchers are only required to work on ‘industrial’ projects some of the time, so this can be a win/win solution for labs looking for extra funding. This type of work tends to pursue both patents and publications.
  
  
2. Strong and Overbearing Interference from Industry
   
   
• This is a funding situation which I do not find acceptable. The scenario that I am aware of involved a company that was specifically given free reign over a graduate student in a university lab. This student’s thesis project was completed dictated by the company, and the academics had little control over the research specifics (if they wanted to keep said funding). The company would not permit the student to publish any resulting work, including in the student’s thesis. I’m not really sure how this situation was ever permitted in the student's department in the first place. I think it’s lousy that an advisor ever set up this kind of relationship, because it is really of minimal benefit to the student, unless the student sought employment from that company for the rest of his or her life.

I can’t say that I really like this shift from academic to industrial funding. I think that the two separate groups of people exist for a reason and that those two groups meet very different needs within our society. Of course some crossover is essential so that there is not a complete disconnect between the people who do a lot of the science and the people who put the science to work. Unfortunately, though, as the funding climate deteriorates, I am afraid that we will see a lot more basic academic science giving way to what sells.

The Naked Truth

As of late, I have been contemplating the usage of our laboratory safety shower. I would love to see how researchers choose to use the shower in the event of an emergency.

At my undergrad university, the safety videos would instruct us, "If you need to use the shower, do not be embarrassed. Remove all of your clothing and rinse thoroughly". At my grad university, no one cared about safety, and I don't even know if the showers worked there. Here at Brilliant University, EH&S has refrained from taking a firm position on nakedness in the safety shower- although they do provide large white ponchos in a safety kit, so that "you don't have to show your labmates all of your bits and pieces".

Seriously, what do people do while using the safety shower?

I've decided that is must depend on the severity of the chemical involved. If I spilled a little hydrochloric acid on my arm, I would probably be most inclined to roll up my sleeve and stick it under the sink. If I spilled acid all over my midsection, I might be a little sluggish getting into the shower, and I might feel kind of modest while disrobing. But if I dumped some kind of neurotoxin all over myself, I wouldn't give a s*!@ who was in the room or what they thought of my meaty thighs. I would whip it off and drench myself. But that's just me.

While it is wrong to wish for a safety emergency in the lab, a small part of me secretly wishes that I could see the safety shower in action. I am admittedly quite curious about how naked people are willing get in the lab. I am also admittedly a complete and total dork.

Making an Impact

My recent troubles on the postdoc front stem from my belief that there are two (and only two) basic ways in which academic researchers can make a significant impact through their work:

1. Discover something new and exciting.
   
• It doesn't matter whether this is a novel material, device, or newly discovered biological pathway. In some way, shape, or form, this type of discovery gives rise to a tangible improvement in current technologies.
  
2. Bring understanding to something of importance.
   
• Great technology is most easily improved upon if we are able to understand the how and why behind its function. And sometimes, understanding of a basic scientific principle is what leads to exciting technology in the first place.
  

Not making my top ten list of ways to make an impact: Take some previously-discovered, previously-patented technology. DO NOT try to understand the technology. Make many different, randomly-chosen, tiny changes to the technology. Patent all of the tiny little changes. Hope that something might work a little better than the original technology. Pursue the low-lying fruit. Don't reach too high, because your arm might start to hurt. Go home and be satisfied.

Not a Yes-Woman

Amanda left a comment on my Fresh Paint post suggesting that the nickname referred to my not being a 'yes-woman'. Her comment could not have been more timely.

Today, I discovered that (despite what I originally thought), I seem to have a Boss on my hands. I thought I was in an academic lab, but apparently we are money-hungry patent-seekers and there is little interest in doing any real science.

My issue: Method X has previously been used to identify a very interesting, very publishable, very patentable Material A. However, there is room for improvement in the properties of Material A. Instead of asking ourselves why Material A works so well, and making improvements based on our findings, my supervisor would rather use Method X over and over and over again to blindly and randomly try to identify a Material A1, A2,... An which may (or may not) work a little bit better.

And he wants me to do this repetitive bullshit. Does this sound like a postdoc project to you?

Let's pursue the goddamn low-lying fruit. I thought it was funny back then, but now this fruit is turning into a nightmare*.

During a meeting today, I expressed my displeasure regarding the general direction of the project and engaged my supervisor in some debate over the merit of his approach. In the meeting room, I was alone in my opinions. Away from our supervisor, my colleagues expressed their support of my ideas and their dislike of his. They also informed me that I had caused the meeting to be a little 'tense' and 'uncomfortable'. Which left me feeling like a sack of shit. It also left me feeling like I am working with a bunch of lemmings.

No, I am not a Yes-Woman. If I don't like the idea, then I don't want to do it. And I will say so. As to why all of the other postdocs in my lab just do what they're told (despite disagreement) is beyond my comprehension. It is not easy to get a postdoc position in my lab; therefore, I would assume that my colleagues have achieved a high level of success as graduate students. I would also assume that you don't achieve a high level of success by only doing what you're told to do. Who are these people??? AAAHAHAHAH!*

You will be relieved to learn that tomorrow afternoon, I will be traveling to my Motherland for an extended weekend. The break conveniently coincides with my struggle to maintain sanity in the face of insanity.

*Melodrama.

Fresh Paint

When I was a sophomore in college, I sent an email to my well-respected academic advisor requesting permission for a course substitution. I explained that I wanted to take Course X instead of Course Y during the spring semester, but expressed my doubt that the substitution would be approved because "the department is anal" about those sorts of things. Yes, you read that right- I used the word "anal" in an email to a top-ranking member of my academic community.

How I survived such an unfortunate incident is beyond comprehension, although somehow the situation worked in my favor. Impressed by my (extreme) candor, my advisor dubbed me 'Fresh Paint' and put me on every student panel until I graduated. He loved having me on the panels because I never pulled any punches yet still managed to give the department glowing recommendations- I must have meant it!

As for an interpretation on Fresh Paint, I've never quite been able to figure it out. The most plausible interpretation that I can come up with is 'honesty so intense that it singes your nostrils'. Not so flattering, really, but I can live with it.

Although I have become less shocking over the years, I am still described from time to time as being 'brutally honest'. This still implies some level of offensiveness, although I hate to think of myself that way. I am never trying to offend people... I have opinions, I'm willing to share them, and I don't sugar-coat things. That's just a waste of time.

So when choosing a name for this blog, I was dealing with a load of palatable options, including Fresh Paint Engineer, Truth-so-real-it-hurts Engineer, Offensive Engineer, and Brutally Honest Engineer. I decided that I should select something... well... more friendly.

Pick Your Planet

I recently came across this interesting press release describing a study going on at the University of Delaware that attempts to understand the ways in which researchers from different disciplines collaborate. The headline: Biologists are from Mars, Chemists are from Venus*.

Although the study is ongoing, several early conclusions have been reached:

1. While collaborating, researchers tend to focus only on the science that they know.
   Ding, ding! Now that's one hell of a conclusion if I've ever seen one. In my short time here at Brilliant University, I have been amazed at how my group "collaborates" with others. Researchers from Discipline X babble on about their interests in some foreign language, and my group counters with equally incomprehensible mumbo jumbo. It is truly amazing that anything interdisciplinary ever gets accomplished, given the astonishing mile-wide chasm between the two factions.
   
   
2. When Ph.D.s and M.D.s collaborate, they argue about meeting times.
   It seems as if academics don't appreciate meetings at 7am, and clinicians don't appreciate the bleary-eyed academics. I would recommend the use of coffee and hard liquor for the academics and the clinicians, respectively. Although, as an academic, I am confident that a flask of vanilla-flavored vodka would ease me through the worst of the worst meetings.
   

Unfortunately, this news story was more of a teaser than anything else, and we're going to have to wait another year or two before the black box of collaboration is opened up for our viewing pleasure. As for now, I am relatively convinced that interdisciplinary work is difficult at best.

*What planet am I from? Or have engineers been relegated to a frozen moon?

Friday Night Lyrics, Updated

I've updated my music meme to include clues, so give it another look. Maybe the hints will help!

April Showers Bring May Flowers

In moments of near insanity, I contemplate leaving my career in academic science/engineering in favor of a job in floral arranging.

This, of course, is not a very practical choice, as florists have to put in long hours on the weekends. Many of them also deal extensively with brides, which must require (or incur) some kind of heavy narcotic usage.

But I think you get my point. I am inclined to contemplate a life completely different from my own, one in which a publication record speaks little of who I am, one in which my sub-par understanding of molecular biology won't spell disaster. Maybe, just maybe, I could step away from all of the years of training and encase myself in some other existence free of the worry, self-doubt, and indecision that are currently eating me up from the inside out.

What am I looking for?

I just want to know that I am doing the right thing. I want to know that I am making the right decision for myself and my family. And this want is exactly what has prevented me from making a decision. This want is one of impossibility. No one can promise me that my choices are the best ones or that I will be happy with my decisions.

How does one deal with uncertainty? I'm piss-poor at this one.

In moments of near clarity, I realize that I am doing the right thing. I am postponing the ultimate decisions, I am staying the course for the time being, I am engaging myself in situations that will benefit my career whether it be in industry or academe. I haven't done anything to hurt myself.

My ultimate hope is that the radar will clear up and that this system of showers will pass. The flowers will pop up- and even if I'm not a florist, I will be happy with what I do.